In this life there are so many things that people are jealous of. Be it someone's physical appearance, wealth, love, education, or talents. You name it and someone somewhere is jealous of something in your daily life. Although, we are human and can be jealous for multiple reasons, try to find a way to turn that jealousy into a better you. Strive for the best and be true to yourself. If you can admit what you are jealous of in this life you can change your way of living and be thankful for your insecurities.
Me, I am jealous of the women who have sex once in their entire life and become pregnant and then they sadly don't even want the, "oops" baby. I am jealous of women who can get gifts for their loved ones, because they have money. Which then leads into my jealousy of those who are able to hold a job and keep on pushing to make an honest living. I am jealous of those people who have perfect lungs and choose to smoke!
☆Yes, you read that correctly! I am jealous of those who have amazingly healthy lungs and mistreat them. It is irritating seeing people take something so precious and poisoning one of the most important organs, for a terrible addiction. Taking their lungs for granted and never even sitting back to think about how lucky they are that they had healthy lungs.
I am jealous of those who can climb stairs and walk a mall without having the take long breaks to catch their breath or to stabilize their oxygen levels. I am jealous of people who have never had to take medications or do anything medical. Better yet, those who have never had to spend the night in a hospital! I am jealous of the CFers who have 60% or higher PFT's just to see 20% pop up on the screen next to my name.
☆Don't get me wrong I am so happy and proud of you, but I can't help but be irritated and a little bitter by seeing high numbers while my dwindle down daily.
I am jealous of the strength my family and friends were forced to have when it comes to this disease. As I know these 27 years and especially the past few months have been hell, they have all been there to support me. Sometimes I wish they would break down too, so I know for sure I am not terrified alone.
I am jealous of the Cystic's that can have a lung transplant with a good odds and a chance of living longer. I am jealous of those who have a huge following for "awareness", when all they do is post selfies with oxygen on using generic quotes they found online in a Google search. While I aim to educate, give advice, and share my life with everyone. The raw story of my life the good, the bad, and the ugly to only have a hand full of people who know my name, not just the blog or the "Behind the Smile of a Cystic girl".
I am jealous of those women who have no scars and can show off their cute flawless belly's, while I am too worried I will sicken people with mine. I am jealous of those who can just get into the car and spontaneously go wherever their heart desires, without having to properly pack meds, snacks, and nebs. Or having to make sure you have enough oxygen tanks to last however long you plan to be out.
When it boils down to it I am even jealous of who I used to be. The person I will never be able to be again. I long for the days without oxygen and miles I could walk without being winded. Climbing stairs and holding down jobs. Not having to stay home most of the time, because I have no energy. I miss the girl I once was and boy am I jealous of her!
This world is full of jealousy, hatred, and flattery, it is figuring out which one will benefit you better as to which one you personally believe in and think about.
☆I truly took my "good health" for granted and never saw this situation in my future. Who would? Always cherish each day you have, because one day you may not get to do it again.
This disease leaves a door open to be jealous of a lot of things and people. Although, I honestly don't think that any of that is a negative thing. Knowing I am jealous of these things makes me appreciate what I do have and makes what I can and have done that much more meaningful to me. It helps me realize life for some people comes easy and it takes a mountain for me to succeed. I am very proud of the mountains I have moved in my life just to say, I did it and I am here today.
☆So, never be ashamed to be jealous of someone or something for any reason. Just know that you can push yourself to be the best you that you can be and you never know maybe someone, somewhere is actually jealous of you.
☆Which is the highest form of flattery and I mean that. It's not just a smart ass comment.
Jealousy is love,
Sandi
Follow my Facebook for my CF info and my insight of life.
