Death is not a fun topic to talk about. It is something we will all find out one day, regardless of how it happens or when. So when you get down to the bare bones, it is actually the sole thing in life that is 100% guaranteed.
As a Cystic I have been forced to face the reality that is dying at a youthful age. Not only because yes, I am a CFer, but I lost my grandpa at a young age and I was needing to figure it out on two levels, because my own disease.
☆So let me explain something about "knowing you're going to die, " I know everyone knows this, but very few people ever embrace this thought until later on in life.Knowing your dying, you love more, smile more, want less, help more, and hug more. Knowing you're dying you make the best of every situation, you remember everything, and you never take anything for granted. Recognizing you are dying you see more, understand more, and can be at complete peace with yourself. Death and CF are the reason I am the way I am. I wouldn't be as caring, I wouldn't be determined, or stubborn, humbled, or blessed. I wouldn't be selfless and want to help all who are in need. I would have never went for my dreams. I wouldn't have had the drive that I do to make things happen.
☆Without "Death" and CF I wouldn't be me, I wouldn't be Sandi!
Death, I am not afraid of it. I do not want to run into it just yet, however, I would be content if I was to go tomorrow. I know my parents, siblings, fiance, and friends wouldn't be overly thrilled. Nevertheless, I am a month shy of 27 and I have had an amazing life. It's been one thing after another for me and when something bad happens two more good things occur for me. So I would be ok if this was the end.
Getting through high school with the thought of death terrified my classmates. It is such a literal topic, but maybe, just maybe because I am a Cystic to me it seems like less of a major deal.
☆Regarding me and my death mind you. If anything happens to my heart, my life, my loved one's I am terrified and that is a whole other matter.
So each day I wake up and each day it takes a little longer, but I put my feet on the floor, hands on my knees, take a deep breathe and cough up everything. I grab my nebs. I'm off to start my day. In the midst of breathing in my medication, I am putting out my morning MEDs and grabbing a water. This process calls for anywhere from 35-60 minutes.
☆Death had no part in me getting ready for the day. Death is not a piece of my life. Just as CF doesn't control my life.
I face death in the face every morning and tell it to go back to hell. I talk to death every night and tell it that I have kicked CF's ass for one more day and that I will see death again in the morning.
When you get worried around the "death talk" or thoughts of dying. Think about this morning and tonight. What you do in between is what counts. And then simply smile and tell death you are not afraid of it you can overcome that thought and that's anxiety.
Never be in fear or fear will ruin your life.
Sandi
For more data on CF tips, CF education, or just my adventures with CF like me on Facebook!
