♥Disclaimer - Remember these are my personal feelings behind my body. Not everyone will view thier trials and tribulations as I do. And go!
Lately I have been getting more and more self conscious about my scars. Mainly, I would say because they are beginning to multiply the older I get.
It kills me when I comment about how horrible I feel about them and people respond with things like, "It is proof you're strong enough to be here"; "You beat whatever was fighting you" ; "Scars are beautiful embrace them they make you stronger" ; "They make you unique" and so on.
No! There is nothing about this alligator scale that makes me stronger. Actually, because of them I have had several hernia's making more medical issues in turn weakening my body. Nothing about my scars are beautiful or unique. Many people, mainly CFers have these scars. I have seen them, so they are in fact not unique. In my eyes beauty is not what I have on my stomach, arms, neck, legs, or collar bones. I have clearly not "beaten" anything as CF still has control over my body and organs.
Every one of those feel better bs statements are just that, BS! People simply blowing smoke up your ass to somehow make you feel better about a man made, unwanted, deformity on your body.
Creams will not take it away. Tattoos will not cover them up, because in my case they will always be re-opened and cut into. Making a scar cover up tattoo pointless. They will not go away just by wishing it gone and trust me they only fade so much with time.
★The thing that is interesting to me, is nine times out of ten the people saying these things are people who have a scar no longer than an inch. They have very thin scars if any that hardly show up at all and have no clue what it feels like to look in a mirror naked and want to vomit by the sheer look at yourself and what surgery has done to your body.
Yes, surgery that saved my life. So I am thankful for them everyday. That appreciation for my surgeries, scars, and doctors does not minimize how horrible they look to me and well society as a whole, let's be honest here. I am happy to be here and love that, everything I have been through has made me the woman I am today, however, I am sick of people saying that I should "cherish" my scars and embrace them as "beauty and strength".
★I embrace them as life saving measures. As a fighting chance to keep smiling every day and as a vow to never give up because the worse that can come from life saving surgeries are ugly ass scars. That is what I will embrace about my scars. Now, don't get me wrong I am proud of my scars and I am in no way ashamed of my scars. I will just never think of them as beauty, unique, strength, or empowering parts of my body.
Thankfully disgusted,
Sandi
♥There is a beauty in flaws if you look at them in the right lights. This however, for me is not really in that category.
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