You hear it everyday how "strong" or "inspirational" you are while living with a terminal disease. Sometimes I just want to yell back at people and explain to them how my definition of strong and inspiring must mean two different things. Because at night when I close my eyes, I know what could await and I'm terrified.
The medication, the bills, the hospital stays. The smiles and tears that go hand and hand. The racing thoughts of will I ever have kids? If so, would I get to see them grow up or graduate college? Or will my man and I live a long and happy life or will it be short and sweet? Will my parents have to sadly have to say goodbye to their child?
★Treatments are a constant reminder that I'll feel like this forever. The "doom" will follow me to my final days.
Forcing people out of my life is easier than pulling them in. Not having friends makes things simpler in theory. However, when you're left standing all alone with just the hubby and your parents by your side life gets challenging, complicated, and super stressful. The haunting worry about every aspect in our lives makes it hard to get by day by day.
The heartache of everything that comes along with having CF is sometimes too much. Our outer shell is stronger than we are. We smile and dance in our own lifetimes. We make a point of not feeling pain because pain is all we know. There is nothing that can help or change that situation.
So when people say that Cystics are the strongest people they know. I would have to agree and disagree. We are put through hell and we jump back like those weird inflatable people in car lots. You know what I'm talking about the super creepy and always bright colored ghost people things.
★Sometime you just need to take a step back and realize it's all for a reason. What strange and tortuous reason I am not too sure of. However, there is indeed a reason for this.
I believe I was put here to do some good in the world, shine as bright as I can, and love as much as possible. Show the world that those two words, Cystic Fibrosis will never get the best of me even when I'm down and out. At the end of the day we all share and cope with our lives in our own ways. Stress is something everyone goes through at one point or another. If we harp on that stress the world and our lives will pass us by.
There are plenty of foods, techniques, and even smells that can assist with the day to day stress without needing to add another medication onto our already long list of meds.
For food tips, and more help to manage stress please visit me on Facebook.
Stress fully Smiling Through,
Sandi
Sandi
