Cystic Fibrosis may not affect the heart so much in a medical way, but it will affect it in a romantic way. It isn't easy to take on someone with "baggage" like myself, someone that's been blessed with this disease that may be a silent disease but you can never really "cover" it up. Growing up trying to have a "normal" dating life is difficult. Although lets face it, no one has a "normal relationship" now a days. However, it is very hard for anyone to give their entire hearts to someone knowing what awaits them either the Cystic or the partner.
♥There are 3 different types of relationships you will find in your life. Or maybe just that I found in mine. There is no one relationship that is the same as another. We are all different and go about it in different ways. All I can do is share what I feel was my way of finding "the one" while living with Cystic Fibrosis.
First one- The runner relationship! My "runner" let's say we call him, Pedroia. We were friends for a few years and would go out from time to time. He knew I was sick and it seemed to not be an issue. Then that dreaded day while I was covered in orange jello (long story) from head to toe and I knew what I needed to do. First get the umpa lumpa stained color out of my SKIN (priorities lol) then straight to the hospital. As I sat in the hospital bed, staring into his eyes, I saw the confusion in them, he was at a loss and I couldn't help him. You could tell by the look in his eyes, he wanted to try, but he just didn't know how. I could see the thoughts running through his mind, "I just got her- I don't want to lose her- it won't even be my fault. I can't even help or change it". We tried to make it work, but he ended up being my best friend, We had our final night out together on the beach. We walked alone, no one around us for miles, walking down the beach at sunset hand in hand. We sang every Beatles song we knew horribly mind you! We just sang and danced alone in the moonlight. The sand on our feet, standing nose to nose, waves crashing behind us knowing that it was over. Lets face it, this movie was worthy, but sadly the medical discomfort and panic between us would not have worked with him and I. He wasn't running mind you. I was "The Runner", so don't get that part confused. Stage "RUN" is a panicky feeling you get when you know it's time to ride off into the sunset alone. Leaving your best friend to find his true love, the one that is meant for him. Sadly, that comic strip where he finally meets his true love, did not have me in it!
Second one- The Protector relationship! My "Protector" say we call this one Wylde. He could not have walked into my life at a better time. I needed to get away, leave this horrible town, getting the hell out of dodge was what I needed. That's where he came barreling in. We rushed into everything like fools. Because of him, however I was able to accomplish so much! I had the most beautiful Cinderella Wedding anyone could ask for! We released butterflies and bubbles as we walked out of the church, "Man & Wife". I was married to someone else's Prince Charming and not my own sadly we both knew in a way. He did some things that I disagreed with and being a Cystic, during sexual times I was just not enough for him! While in the hospital, he would be too attentive wanting more and more details about personal things. To me there is a line between worry and creepy and he tiptoed on it for sure. So the "protector"stage had to come out of me and put a stop to it all. Knowing this was the wrong marriage, wrong life, and wrong situation. Protecting my heart and getting away was the only option I had. Sadly, he and I did not have a love like Johnny and June!
♥ and then you have the third relationship.....
The One relationship! This one honestly was a no brainier! We shall call him Tyson, as that is his name (the other two, of course, are not!) We met in a bar, talk about the BEST place for a Cystic to be right. He was then my "pretend" boyfriend because my actual boyfriend at the time, Pedroia. Was unable to make it to the bar with me because he had classes the next morning. So Tyson helped me with a creeper that followed me from work to the bar! We hit it off as soon as his eyes hit mine. Yet we did not go out for many years later. Things changed for the both of us and we drifted apart. We did keep in contact with each other over the years and remaining friends. Through a marriage and a divorce on my part and the tragedy of losing his lifelong best friend, changing the both of us drastically. Running into him again, at that chapter in both of our lives was magic. He knows CF inside and out and takes care of me like I needed. He doesn't want to know too much, although he knows everything because I feel comfortable telling him. We were like magnets just being pulled together from the moment we met. Luckily we are together after years of chasing one another. Our story is the one you read about in books. The one you think "Yeah, that will never happen!!" If you know us and know our story, we are luckily each others Allie and Noah
Basically, as a Cystic, you need to "run", "protect", and be "the one" in your life to save your "heart". Once you give your heart away you become vulnerable, that applies to everyone. Your health will sadly scare people away, and your heart will draw them in. Dating is a risky business when you are terminal. It's hard for someone to be 100% ok with everything, knowing what you are going to have to go through. Even some things Tyson isn't ready for but he stands strong, holds my hand, and kisses my forehead when I know he is stressing and staying strong for me. He gets flustered hell we all do. It was his chemistry that was needed in my life. He keeps me grounded instead of myself running, protecting, or hiding. He makes it to where I don't need to do that any more!! That's what matters when you are looking for "the one"! Look for someone you feel comfortable with medically and romantically, you will know and I did years ago!
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I will say this, I am a VERY lucky woman being 26 years old and having a fairy tale happen not once but three times in a row! I love all three men a little differently from one another. I will always have the memories in my heart no matter what. Some women are lucky to find love once in their lives. I was lucky enough to find it three times. Differently of course in each relationship, but they were all there! If you are lucky enough to become the runner, protector, and the one, be happy! Because I know I would not be where I am and who I am if it wasn't for those three amazing men! We are all still able to remain friends! Seeing as we were all friends before our relationships ever began and the splits were not too bad to hate each other like most breakups or divorces. I was twice lucky and am now lucky for being IN LOVE. The head of heels, marry me now, supportive, raw, real kind of love!
★FYI Tyson and I will be officially married July 19th, 2014 I am so excited, but at the same time we are practically married. That piece of paper will not change my feelings for him unless they grow stronger!! =) He is "The one", that I am so happy was at the bar that night!
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| Pedroia, I was sleeping and he drew me! He has such an amazing talent!! |
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| Wylde- Marine Corps Dress Blues Marine Corps balloon tattoo! |
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| My GORGEOUS engagement ring from Tyson! |
