★Then I snap back to reality and realize ALL of the amazing things I have been able to do and still are doing. I may not be at it all day, every day like I once was. I may not have a job to where I am up and going every day. I don't have the friends I once had to keep me busy and I am no longer in school to keep me motivated. I don't have a sport or a hobby to stay stimulated throughout the days. What I do have is so much more than that.
I have the memories, the accomplishments, the time, and the strength it took me to get this far. Looking back, I feel like everything I have done is almost a dream. How can one little sick girl do all of these things at such a young age? Things that I was, "never going to be able to do" according to doctors. I sit down and talk to someone about my accomplishments and sometimes I feel like I am making it up. Although I know I am not, I was there. I have the photos to prove it all. At times it seems so surreal to me.
Just the thought that I set a goal at a bar I was working at when I was 21 to work for Playboy. I went to CA and I did just that! When coming back from Hawaii at the age of 16, thanks to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. I told my parents I would send another kid to Hawaii and with the help of friends, we made a little girls wish come true! Wanting to raise awareness for more than myself, more than CF, but for several silent diseases, making that happen was such an amazing feeling. Modeling and being published in magazines was a dream of mine for longer than I can imagine and it actually happened and is still happening to this day. Marrying the man of my dreams is something every little girl wants and this year that happened! There are so many things I just never thought would happen but they did!
★How is that possible for someone like me? Someone who is sick all the time. Someone with scars everywhere. Someone who was told not to even try. Then I realize I am strong, powerful, and motivated enough to get things done. Once my mind is set on something I get it done.
I just continue to remind myself that no matter what anyone has to say I can and will do whatever I set out to do! It is hard to not let yourself, get caught up in depression when dealing with CF, or any life threatening disease. If you don't focus on positivity in your life, you can easily go down a bad path. Your attitude on life and how you are going to live reflect each other drastically. It has everything to do with how far you can go in life.
★Never listen to an expiration date a doctor gives you. If you are given a statement that starts with "never", "won't", or "can't" don't just take it and fall down that rabbit hole. If you believe in yourself and in your heart you will be able to do anything you put your mind to.
Take it from me. I may be slower than I once was, I may have more down days than good. Modeling, volunteering, friends, and family outings get pushed aside more so now than ever, but I won't ever stop pushing myself to the limit. I will never stop trying to grab that brass ring and be on top of the game. My life will not be over until I take my very last breath.
Positively,
Sandi
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